I miss you

Ok I do, I heart squeezingly , gut wrenchingly miss you. I cant keep pretending I don't care, I cant pretend that when u call, it makes my day. I cant pretend that I am fine when there are tears running down my face. I cant pretend that the thought of you with someone kills me inside. I cant pretend that I am strong where you are concerned. I cant pretend that I don't have feeling for you. I cant pretend that I am over you. I cant pretend that I know u care. I cant pretend that I don't care. I cant pretend that I don't love you. I cant pretend that I am ur friend. I cant pretend that you know how hard it is for me to let you go. I cant pretend that I know u will read this
now that I can stop pretending, I realize I a am alone, this isn't something my friends, alcohol or a doctor can heal. This is for me to fight against, to carry and heal. i still miss you, and i always will.

its time to face the truth i will never be with you
-James blunt

Screw up

I know its been a while, but I was busy with life. Well I guess I always take comfort writing here only when my life is down in the dumps, its theraputical. Ok this time I really screwed up, and hurt my self in the process. I have come to realize that a relation means more to me than it does to the other person. Y is it that its always me that comes out the worst of these situations. I mean can I not be unfeeling and not care. I hate doing this to myself all the time. I hate the fact that guys get over these "minor bimps" in life and get on with it. Wait let me guess they have their tear ducts surgically removed when they get out of junior high or maybe they have this magical switch which we don't get to see, that switches their emotions off at some point in life. I don't know. I have made mean hicups in life but this one was big and the person that hurt me expects me to get over it like its a broken finger nail. is it me or does it seem like I put in more emotion into the relationship then he did? Its so easy to say "get over it its been 2 months already" but I would I mean what I feel is not something that can be put into a box and shipped off to where ever broken hearts go. I mean there are books written on how to deal after a break up, what u should and shouldn't do. Then how can anyone say "get over it", who ever coined that phrase should be shot in the face. Ok maybe not shot, just be mean to him .